Lady, get a bigger ring.

So I finished four exams this morning and realized that it was my sister’s fiance’s birthday today. I hadn’t gotten him anything and was going to visit the two of them at their home next weekend. I’d better make use of this opportunity to shop for a gift.

Wait. I’m coming out of UBC Robson. I could just get him a jacket with UBC logos on it and hope he doesn’t notice it was a last minute gift. Oh, too bad. He got one of those last year. (Sorry, Mom, but he probably already knew.)

Across the street from school is a Chapters and I recently got an iRewards card, so it was a logical choice. Who doesn’t read these days?

After about five seconds of browsing, I thought of a book by someone Isb-something about something to do with Canada. He’d probably like that. So I decided to seek it out. I didn’t find it immediately (or ever), but I *did* find a cute salesgirl who I decided was making eye contact with me because she thought I was something special to look at too. But I was on a mission and could not be bothered.

About another five seconds later, I asked her for a recommendation. And she was awesome. We spent somewhere between 5 – 10 minutes going between a few sections, talking about the books that she likes (some selections involving zombies, some graphic novels), the kind of guy that my sister’s fiance is so that we could continue to (obstensibly) look for a great gift, and something about how her dad is a big fan of Conan the Barbarian comics. She was awesome.

Near the end of that, VERY near the end of that, she was talking about a book, a book that I was holding in my very hands, when she said something along the lines of, “… my husband really liked that book too”.

“Y’Goddamnit!” was what went through my head as I noticed that she was (subtly) wearing a ring.

And that, ladies, is how you get some guy to buy four books from you at Chapters.

Plugged

My blog (yes, this one right here!) was recently given a plug by a martial arts blog.

I shall return the favour. Check out http://blog.francislau.org/ if you ever want to know how to win or run away. (And click on the ads! I think it to helps support a drinking habit.)

Ahhh! The Government is taking it down!

On the PharmaNet system this morning:

“The government will be taking down Pharmanet”

Holy shit! They’re getting ride of Pharmanet!

“…from midnight Wednesday June 3 to approximately 6 AM Thursday morning”

I guess I don’t usually check med profiles during that time. But still.

“…to make some hardware repairs.”

Oh. That actually sounds pretty good.

Putting together IKEA furniture does not elevate you to Master Carpenter status…

… but it does elevate your sleeping position off the carpet.

Unlike most things I do (maybe?), I never read through the instructions and plan my IKEA assemblies before I start getting to work. I like it when I get to play out the story as I go along. It’s like the furniture is coming to life as I read it.

The leftover pieces are always concerning though. Fourteen screws and two brackety things is a new record.

Things I’m going to eat (when I can eat again)

About three or four days ago, I got two of my wisdom teeth taken out. Not a big deal as far as surgeries go (I had to take part in a teleconference using Skype chat instead of Skype voice that night and I took a day off work after to rest and heal), so I’d like to think I’m handling it okay.

But I could do without the swelling. Looking like I’m storing nuts in my cheek for the winter is fine. I don’t really need to speak clearly since I mumble frequently anyway. But I would really like to start eating solid foods again.

For instance, any of the following would suffice:

1) Any fast food burger and fries

We watched the full thing in marketing yesterday and I was jonesing for some flame-broil for about 4 hours after.

2) Mashed potatoes and gravy

Steak or chicken would be bonus. And I’ve never been a huge fan of asparagus, but it would work too.

3) Dim sum (i.e. Shrimp dumplings, BBQ pork bun, and chicken sticky rice in the leaf are classics)

Chewing required for most of the above.

4) One of those greasy pizzas from a large chain

5) Peanut butter sandwich made after the bread has been microwaved so that it is soft and warm and melts the PB

Not that my prescription for T#3’s doesn’t keep my spirits up…

Tell your parents you fell on a doorknob…

I have had a terrible record of unintentionally making children cry or closing industrial refrigerator doors on their small fragile hands. (Both of those happened to a small child who shares his name with a god of war and thunder.)

Today’s incident was just a freak accident. At band practice, the drummer and bassist’s niece was there as well. As she was leaving, she was giving everyone hugs as any small child, not yet jaded by the cruel world is apt to do.

When it was time for mine, she was walking over and she tripped over someone else’s shoe. As she fell, I held out my hands to catch her. Unfortunately, she fell so that her face smacked right into my open palm.

I inadvertantly slapped your kid in the face. Sorry, K and S.

Honesty.

“On the other side you cannot say to your wife, I love you more than my life. She saw! You cannot say that anymore! And when you try to restick this thing together it is like putting glue on broken glass.”

- Blia Yao Moua, on what Hmong familes had to go through to escape war-torn Laos, as told to A. Fadiman in The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down

Clearing out my work emails

Doing a little housekeeping at work and found this gem hiding in my inbox:

On December 31 I went down to the parkade in the hospital to find that some unknown individuals had decorated my car with a ‘happy retirement’ balloon and a sign that said ‘gone paddling’. While I’m sure the sentiment was all in good fun, the damage to the paint job on my car will be difficult to repair. My 2 suggestions in the future are:

1—-if you MUST decorate someone’s car—confine your efforts to the windows where you can’t do any real damage
2—-Make sure you decorate the RIGHT CAR! I’m not sure whose car you intended to vandalize, but I’m pretty sure they’re glad not to be the one still peeling tape (and hopefully not too much more paint) off of their car.

I know this e-mail is being sent to a whole bunch of people who weren’t responsible, and I apologize for wasting your time with this complaint, but I have no other way of contacting the people who were responsible.

Thank you for your time.
BH

Top Ten List of Reasons to Sit on the Same Side of the Table as your Date

I’m an elitist only when it comes to things that aren’t all that important (Jonas Brothers? Come on.) And to prove to some people, who know who they are, that I’m actually not [that big of] a jerk, please see the following list:

10. You build a stronger connection with someone when there isn’t an obstacle between you. (This goes for patients and their health care providers as well. The best performance is found across the corner of a table rather than no obstacle at all.)
9. It creates more natural opportunities to make (and receive!) physical contact. Don’t be perverted; I’m talking about those touches of the arm and holding hands (You know, the kind I see on TV.)
8. You can share the same view, be it the busy street outside the window or the game on the TV suspended in the corner.
7. It’s dinner, not a face-off. Adversaries face each other. Companions walk side-by-side.
6. Double date situations.
5. There’s no awkward discussion after a failed game of footsies. (“Oh, I thought that was the table leg.”)
4. You should have gone out with someone better looking.
3. If your date is about to pull a piece to pop a cap in yo’ ass, you see it coming. (Welcome to Gang-couver!)
2. You are sharing a dish and you use your elbows to box her out this way = More food!
And the number one reason you should sit on the same side of the table as your date:
1. You are dating your Siamese Twin.

(Yes. I ran out of actual reasons about halfway through.)

While on the topic of blocked ports

Seen by specialist today (i.e. Plumber). Clinically flushing well. No signs or symptoms of obstruction.

Reserving judgment until post-prandial trial. Will follow.